The 5 Stages
Undstanding the 5 Stages of Your
Relationship
Have you ever wondered why some relationships fail when some relationships last forever?
There are 5 stages that every couple naturally works through on their way to establishing a lasting relationship, each stage building off the last (adapted from the Bader/Pearson Developmental Model). Some couples navigate through all 5 stages and live a long, happy life together, while other couples never learn how to work through the first few stages and get stuck somewhere along the way.
My goal is to help you understand the different stages you will naturally experience in your relationship, so you can prepare yourselves to successfully navigate past them as a couple.
- The Honeymoon Stage
Although not all relationships start in the same place, (they all start at the honeymoon stage but for some couples this can often be short lived. This is the beginning of the relationship where you’re madly in lust and romance is in the air. You are excited about your similarities and the things you have in common and just can’t seem to get enough of each other. The honeymoon stage is where many couples fall in love and typically lasts anywhere between 2-18 months depending on the couple. This is where you begin to form a bond with your partner through romantic and thoughtful gestures and is the most blissful and non-demanding stage of any relationship. The end of the honeymoon stage can be a challenging transition for some couples and it’s common to feel like there is something wrong with you or your partner when the honeymoon ends. This is referred to as the dark side of the honeymoon and can be a difficult stage for some couples to move past. This part of the honeymoon phase doesn’t exist for all couples, but often occurs when a couple can’t accept that the honeymoon is over and struggles to move past the unrealistic fantasy that a relationship should always be ‘perfect’. Many of these idealistic expectations stem from love stories and romantic movies that portray couples who are madly in love and eternally blissful. As much as you long to believe this can be true and that the honeymoon will last forever, it just isn’t reality.
Understanding the 5 Stages of Your
Relationship
Have you ever wondered why some relationships fail when some relationships last forever?
There are 5 stages that every couple naturally works through on their way to establishing a lasting relationship, each stage building off the last (adapted from the Bader/Pearson Developmental Model). Some couples navigate through all 5 stages and live a long, happy life together, while other couples never learn how to work through the first few stages and get stuck somewhere along the way.
My goal is to help you understand the different stages you will naturally experience in your relationship, so you can prepare yourselves to successfully navigate past them as a couple.
- The Honeymoon Stage
Although not all relationships start in the same place, they all start at the honeymoon stage but for some couples this can often be short lived. This is the beginning of the relationship where you’re madly in lust and romance is in the air. You are excited about your similarities and the things you have in common and just can’t seem to get enough of each other. The honeymoon stage is where many couples fall in love and typically lasts anywhere between 2-18 months depending on the couple. This is where you begin to form a bond with your partner through romantic and thoughtful gestures and is the most blissful and non-demanding stage of any relationship. The end of the honeymoon stage can be a challenging transition for some couples and it’s common to feel like there is something wrong with you or your partner when the honeymoon ends. This is referred to as the dark side of the honeymoon and can be a difficult stage for some couples to move past. This part of the honeymoon phase doesn’t exist for all couples, but often occurs when a couple can’t accept that the honeymoon is over and struggles to move past the unrealistic fantasy that a relationship should always be ‘perfect’. Many of these idealistic expectations stem from love stories and romantic movies that portray couples who are madly in love and eternally blissful. As much as you long to believe this can be true and that the honeymoon will last forever, it just isn’t reality.
- The ‘Accepting Your Differences’ Stage
This stage is about opening up to your partner and getting to know each other on a deeper level. This is where you begin to share things with each other – your likes, dislikes, fears, hopes, dreams, and values. Instead of focusing on your similarities (like in the honeymoon stage) stage two is where you begin to uncover your differences and flaws. Understanding and accepting each other’s difference can be a difficult process to work through. Some couples struggle to talk about important issues and will often try to sweep conflicts and arguments under the rug. This can result in escalated arguments and unresolved issues, making this is a common stage for couples to get stuck in. Accepting your differences is a pivotal point in every relationship. Couples who successfully make it through this stage have learned how to accept, understand, and appreciate their partner’s differences and know how to manage conflict together.
- The Exploration Stage
This is the stage where you begin to branch out from your partner and explore yourself as an individual again. Your focus might shift back to hobbies or other personal interests that you enjoyed before. Exploration is an important stage in developing yourself and progressing your relationship. When you build your own self-esteem, you become less dependent on your partner and become a stronger partner yourself.
- The Commitment Stage
At the commitment stage you’ve reach a healthy balance of love, trust, acceptance, and independence in your relationship. You have finally established yourselves as a committed couple who have consciously chosen to be together. You have recognized and accepted your shortcomings as a couple and have created a safe and accepting relationship you both take comfort in. Because of the work you have done thus far, you are more likely to request rather than demand what you want & desire from your partner. During this stage intimacy increases and as a result, so will your sex life. Although this stage feels like your work as couple is done, it’s really just the beginning of your partnership and journey together.
- The Bliss Stage
Most couples who reach the bliss stage have been together for years. At this stage in the relationship you have become a truly unified team who complement each other harmoniously, as both partners and individuals. You have faced life’s challenges together and have become a stronger couple in the end. You both know exactly who you are and can fully share yourselves with one another. You are open and honest and respond to disagreements with humor and compassion. Both your love and mutual respect runs so deep, that you are often willing to sacrifice you own wants and needs to put your partner’s happiness first.
- The Commitment Stage
At the commitment stage you’ve reach a healthy balance of love, trust, acceptance, and independence in your relationship. You have finally established yourselves as a committed couple who have consciously chosen to be together. You have recognized and accepted your shortcomings as a couple and have created a safe and accepting relationship you both take comfort in. Because of the work you have done thus far, you are more likely to request rather than demand what you want & desire from your partner. During this stage intimacy increases and as a result, so will your sex life. Although this stage feels like your work as couple is done, it’s really just the beginning of your partnership and journey together.
- The Bliss Stage
Most couples who reach the bliss stage have been together for years. At this stage in the relationship you have become a truly unified team who complement each other harmoniously, as both partners and individuals. You have faced life’s challenges together and have become a stronger couple in the end. You both know exactly who you are and can fully share yourselves with one another. You are open and honest and respond to disagreements with humor and compassion. Both your love and mutual respect runs so deep, that you are often willing to sacrifice you own wants and needs to put your partner’s happiness first.
Relationship counseling with Leanne can help you reach the bliss stage much quicker than the years it can take to get there on your own. Without counselling to guide and support you through the 5 stages as a couple, many relationships don’t make it to the bliss stage at all.
“The changes made thanks to Leanne are phenomenal. We will forever be indebted to her for helping us to get through what was by-far the toughest time in our relationship. We have learned to listen to each other, open up to each other & bring up sensitive topics without feeling defensive. Leanne was very patient and empathetic. Working with her has been a team effort rather than a “therapist-couple” dynamic. We have been able to apply Leanne’s lessons and communication techniques not only within our relationship but also with colleagues, family and close friends.”
“I wanted to let you know that I am very grateful and feel blessed that Pete and I are working with you. You are absolutely gifted with your “craft.” I’m seeing some improvements already and I am hopeful for our relationship.”